Perhaps The Cheese Moved?...
Ok, this is pretty much an update from the last time I left an entry. I guess you could say that many emotionally difficult things have happened. And at the same time [because that's so normal], nothing unusual has really happened. I'm currently listening to Johnny Cash's rendition of Hurt, and this song always makes me think way too much about mortality. I'm not entirely sure it's even about that, as I hear about twenty different things each time I hear it. But mortality is the one thing that always sticks out at me, even if I'm the only one who hears it in the song. Someday, we will all die. It's inevitable. Some of us will die in fires. Some in plane crashes. Some of us will simply pass in our sleep, never feeling a thing. It's amazing, isn't it? I mean... we're all so complex, so infinitely difficult, but we all come to a relatively simple end. It's beautiful and magical and terrifying.
I'm having a bit of trouble with my friend, Nicholas. It's not so much trouble, I suppose. It's more that he wants me to share everything about myself, and about what's been bothering me lately, but I've never done that with positive results. Anytime I've ever revealed too much, I always end up being hurt. I don't like anyone to know too much about me. Little pieces here and there, I'm okay with sharing. But when someone else knows too much about me, it's like they have my entire being in their back pocket, waiting to be squished the next time they sit down. That bothers me. *sigh* Nicholas is a great friend. I've known him for a while now and he's always been really sweet and understanding. But I just can't do it. I can't tell him everything that's bothering me. It would just create a lot of unnecessary problems and emotional trauma. I hope he understands that. I think he believes that I'm just being mean and that I want him to feel left out. I love him. He's a great friend. I'd never do that to him. I just can't share anything with anyone right now. Not yet. [I'm sorry, Nicholas. Please don't hate me.]
Sadly, Alex wasn't able to come by on Monday. I really wanted him to, but he just wasn't able to make it. But I'm sure we'll get our schedules to cross eventually. We're going to try again for this Monday, which I hope will be possible. He's a good friend, albeit a pain in the ass, and it'd be nice to have some company. Lately, a large part of my shitty mood can be attributed to a lack of company. When I was in high school, I saw my friends everyday. But now they're still in school, and I'm on the outside. [Most of my school friends are younger than me, and are therefore still in high school.] I rarely see or hear from any of them anymore. Shawn, who was pretty much my closest friend in school, is always too busy for me now. Jacob, another awesome friend from school, has a lot of his own stuff to worry about. There's just no room for Justin, it seems. *shrugs* It's something that I should be used to by now, but that I will likely never grow accustomed to. *sigh*
I had a very bizarre nightmare involving scorpions, snakes, and an all-Mugglenet neighborhood. [For those of you who don't know, Mugglenet is a highly successful fan site for the Harry Potter franchise. They have a podcast, and I regularly download the files and burn them to CD, so I can listen to the podcast as I go to bed. I'm pretty sure this accounts for the all-Mugglenet neighborhood in my nightmare.] Anyway, it started out quite peacefully. I mean, I was walking down this street with a realtor at my side, explaining the rules and such of living on Muggle Lane. I can't remember all the rules, but one of them involved owning a cauldron, or some such weirdness. And so we finally got to this nice little house at the end of the street, and the realtor gave me a tour of the place. I was thrilled, so I signed all the papers and such and the house was officially mine. But when he left, it was like I was hit in the back of the head and I fell to the floor. I just couldn't get up, no matter how hard I tried. Now, as if this wasn't bad enough, I soon heard a scuttling noise... and then more... a lot more. But it's the hissing that really freaked me out. When you're stuck to the floor, the LAST thing you want to hear is hissing. And all at once, I just saw this massive horde of snakes and scorpions coming at me. I still couldn't get up, and laid there helpless and the scorpions stung me and the snakes bit me over and over again. It was not at all pleasant. *frowns*
Dani and Bradley [both Johnsons, oddly enough] are being entirely sweet, for which I'm grateful. I'm difficult. Not by intention, but I am a difficult person. As hard as I try to be positive all the time, it just isn't happening. But Dani and Bradley are always around to cheer me up. Now, that isn't to say that Nicholas [mentioned in paragraph 2 above] isn't helpful. He's just as sweet as Dani and Bradley, and often tries his best to cheer me up. But he isn't around as often as the 2 Johnsons, which is why he wasn't specifically mentioned in connection with the two. [I hope that makes sense to you readers out there.] I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten Nicholas. I'm merely saying that Dani and Bradley are around constantly, whereas I only have sporadic contact with Nicholas, to the fault of no one. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me out. I know I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, but I'm thrilled to know you. *big hugs*
I was originally going to talk about my déjà vu theory, but I think I'll save that for my next entry. I'll likely talk about the guys and dolls from GayPride.com as well in the next entry, as they've really become a necessity in my life. [Ugh... so gay, am I not? Hehehe.] Anyway, I'm heading out now. My mum's trying to steal the computer, so I'm going to give it up.
Until next time,
Justin the Magic Moocow
I'm having a bit of trouble with my friend, Nicholas. It's not so much trouble, I suppose. It's more that he wants me to share everything about myself, and about what's been bothering me lately, but I've never done that with positive results. Anytime I've ever revealed too much, I always end up being hurt. I don't like anyone to know too much about me. Little pieces here and there, I'm okay with sharing. But when someone else knows too much about me, it's like they have my entire being in their back pocket, waiting to be squished the next time they sit down. That bothers me. *sigh* Nicholas is a great friend. I've known him for a while now and he's always been really sweet and understanding. But I just can't do it. I can't tell him everything that's bothering me. It would just create a lot of unnecessary problems and emotional trauma. I hope he understands that. I think he believes that I'm just being mean and that I want him to feel left out. I love him. He's a great friend. I'd never do that to him. I just can't share anything with anyone right now. Not yet. [I'm sorry, Nicholas. Please don't hate me.]
Sadly, Alex wasn't able to come by on Monday. I really wanted him to, but he just wasn't able to make it. But I'm sure we'll get our schedules to cross eventually. We're going to try again for this Monday, which I hope will be possible. He's a good friend, albeit a pain in the ass, and it'd be nice to have some company. Lately, a large part of my shitty mood can be attributed to a lack of company. When I was in high school, I saw my friends everyday. But now they're still in school, and I'm on the outside. [Most of my school friends are younger than me, and are therefore still in high school.] I rarely see or hear from any of them anymore. Shawn, who was pretty much my closest friend in school, is always too busy for me now. Jacob, another awesome friend from school, has a lot of his own stuff to worry about. There's just no room for Justin, it seems. *shrugs* It's something that I should be used to by now, but that I will likely never grow accustomed to. *sigh*
I had a very bizarre nightmare involving scorpions, snakes, and an all-Mugglenet neighborhood. [For those of you who don't know, Mugglenet is a highly successful fan site for the Harry Potter franchise. They have a podcast, and I regularly download the files and burn them to CD, so I can listen to the podcast as I go to bed. I'm pretty sure this accounts for the all-Mugglenet neighborhood in my nightmare.] Anyway, it started out quite peacefully. I mean, I was walking down this street with a realtor at my side, explaining the rules and such of living on Muggle Lane. I can't remember all the rules, but one of them involved owning a cauldron, or some such weirdness. And so we finally got to this nice little house at the end of the street, and the realtor gave me a tour of the place. I was thrilled, so I signed all the papers and such and the house was officially mine. But when he left, it was like I was hit in the back of the head and I fell to the floor. I just couldn't get up, no matter how hard I tried. Now, as if this wasn't bad enough, I soon heard a scuttling noise... and then more... a lot more. But it's the hissing that really freaked me out. When you're stuck to the floor, the LAST thing you want to hear is hissing. And all at once, I just saw this massive horde of snakes and scorpions coming at me. I still couldn't get up, and laid there helpless and the scorpions stung me and the snakes bit me over and over again. It was not at all pleasant. *frowns*
Dani and Bradley [both Johnsons, oddly enough] are being entirely sweet, for which I'm grateful. I'm difficult. Not by intention, but I am a difficult person. As hard as I try to be positive all the time, it just isn't happening. But Dani and Bradley are always around to cheer me up. Now, that isn't to say that Nicholas [mentioned in paragraph 2 above] isn't helpful. He's just as sweet as Dani and Bradley, and often tries his best to cheer me up. But he isn't around as often as the 2 Johnsons, which is why he wasn't specifically mentioned in connection with the two. [I hope that makes sense to you readers out there.] I don't want anyone to think I've forgotten Nicholas. I'm merely saying that Dani and Bradley are around constantly, whereas I only have sporadic contact with Nicholas, to the fault of no one. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you guys for helping me out. I know I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, but I'm thrilled to know you. *big hugs*
I was originally going to talk about my déjà vu theory, but I think I'll save that for my next entry. I'll likely talk about the guys and dolls from GayPride.com as well in the next entry, as they've really become a necessity in my life. [Ugh... so gay, am I not? Hehehe.] Anyway, I'm heading out now. My mum's trying to steal the computer, so I'm going to give it up.
Until next time,
Justin the Magic Moocow
1 Comments:
I love your blogs. You talk from the mind and not out your arse (which a lot of people do on blogs) so yey! All cookies have gone for now. I shed blood for them I'll have you know! Worth it. xxx
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